So remember that mystery man I told you about? Yeah, I know you do. Well he's talking to me again, says he was out of range of any type of cell or communication service, not that he was ignoring me. Think what you like, I believe him. See love is blind, just like justice. He could tell me the sky was green and I would believe him.
Anyway, I sent him some loving emails and texts and got no response. I went to dinner with his ex and heard some things I didn't really want to hear and sent some not so loving texts. Not outright mean or vicious, more of a hurt and "her is how I feel about it" version of the lovey dove ones. Needless to say he reacted. He reacted with a big WTF? To which I replied "I'm a slave to my emotions." Where I normally hide my feelings and intentions with everyone else I strip them bare for him. I don't lie to him. I can't. I told him this. He respects this he says, but we need to talk. Since he is in another state right now that talk will be over the phone. Not ideal but better than not hearing his voice for another week or two. We are going to talk about guidelines and boundaries.
Shit. Last time we talked about guidelines and boundaries was when we stopped being the dumb staring star crossed lovers I described before and started fighting over dumb pointless things. I told him he needed to be single. He told me he agreed. He said he wouldn't disrespect me by cheating on me so we came to an understanding that we weren't together,
Sounds like a lot of BS, right? Well I suppose, except that I understand where he's at. Because I was there once. Freedom is what he needs. Freedom to live, freedom to fuck up, freedom to act like a dumb ass frat boy and not have to worry about me sitting at home waiting for him. Hey, like they say, if you love something you let it go. If it comes back to you it's yours forever. Well we are written in the stars, at least I believe so. So it doesn't matter how far he travels, who he meets, who he dates, what he does. Us is an inevitability.
Well yeah, it's all good in theory. It makes sense. But to think about him with another woman, even one that isn't up to my level hurts. It hurts like I didn't think it would. I mean if he doesn't go meet and mingle with women who aren't as great as me how will he realize what he had. Yeah, fuck that. I hate thinking about what he may or may not be up to right now. So it's hard. It's a necessary step in his evolution and happiness as a human being, but its hard, Because all I want is for him to come home, to lay in bed with me as he once did, to wrap his arms around me and make me feel like the safest and most beautiful woman in all the world. Because that's the power of his warmth and love around me. I could conquer the world with one look at his smile. His warmth and inner glow could fuel me to move mountains and drain entire oceans.
But it's not our time. It's his time, without me. And it's my time, without him. And that means I have to be patient. Yeah, my least cultivated virtue. I can do it. I know I can. I just means they'll be a lot of tears between now and that cosmic date I was promised back at that warehouse 7 months ago. But he's worth it.
Now all that's left to do is wait for that phone call and see where it leaves us.
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